Have you ever felt so lost that you feel like you’re drowning? Like you’re floating in the middle of the ocean, disoriented, you don’t know which way is left or right. You don’t know how to reach the surface. You kick and swim with everything you have, but it gets you nowhere. Because even when you find the surface, you’re still in the middle of the ocean. No land in sight. All you can see is the dark blue water that seems to go on endlessly in every direction. You’re looking for a life raft. Maybe it’s a lone floating buoy; maybe it’s a boat driven by an adventurous fisherman. It’s to the point where it doesn’t matter what it is. You are begging for just SOMETHING, anything.
It’s such a terrible feeling. Feeling so lost. When you watch other people marching through life with a detailed map and compass that helps them through every twist and turn. It doesn’t seem fair. For you, as soon as you start to see a light, whether it’s an opportunity or a job, you begin to reach for it. You swim with every fiber of your being towards this light with arms wide open. Then you get close, so so close. You can almost brush it, you just have to stretch one more inch. But when you do, it sends you plunging down, back into the darkness you worked so hard to get out of. All of the effort wasted. It left you with nothing. The first time it happens you tell yourself, “it just wasn’t meant to be”. But as it happens over and over again you question, “will anything EVER be?”.
So where do you go from here? You feel as though you have nowhere to go. You’ve spent all of your time and any last hope you might’ve had. So you just float. You let yourself just drift, letting the waves carry you any way they choose. This seems like the logical option. A way of “going with the flow”. But then you spend the next part of your life wondering if you’ll ever end up anywhere. Or will you just float? Float like every other thing that’s meaningless. Another piece of seaweed. Then you wonder, is this giving up? Or just “going with the flow”? But nobody can answer that. No creature is going to reach in, pull you out of the damned ocean and put you back on track. No magic sparkling light will show you a glimpse of your future and tell you exactly what you are meant to be. You can pray to God and he will give you guidance, but the act of finding yourself is all. on. you.
So now what? You know there is an easy route. But will that path ever allow you to be happy? Would that be cheating yourself? Then, there is the long and hard road. This route has many obstacles and opportunities to fall. But in the end could be your true calling. Happiness and fulfillment. But there isn’t any guarantee. This path could make you stronger- mentally, physically, and emotionally. So you debate. Unfortunately, this is not a simple decision. This isn’t choosing what to eat for dinner or what to wear. This is your life. This is your future. And it’s your choice to keep swimming, or float.
Xoxo, Aspen
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