A thought that terrifies me is knowing that even when I’m struggling and unsure of what to do, the world keeps spinning. Time doesn’t need stop.
Surprise surprise, I’m feeling lost and unsure. Life has a funny habit of not giving me a lot of reassurance. I pray about it often, but Im starting to think that maybe I’m not listening hard enough or I’m oblivious to any kind of sign. So here I am, waiting. Although I’m not sure exactly what it is that I am waiting for. Something in my life feel off, as if I’m not doing something that I should be. I am struggling to be happy with where I am at in my life. The feeling of failure looms over me and causes so much self-doubt. Constantly stressing over finances, my career path, and mental health.
My goal has always been to inspire others, but right now I feel unqualified. I desire for people to do better than me. I don’t want others to go through some of the things that I have in my 21 years of life. Maybe I can just inspire others to do better than I have? But things haven’t all been bad, there are accomplishments of mine that I am proud of. For example, my journey to self love and body positivity, and choosing to live when life seemed hopeless. I strive to be better. To be successful and happy. Unfortunately the path to getting there is unclear. I try to use my resources to create opportunities for myself, but it doesn’t seem to be enough.
As ive stated in the past, i am not sharing this for pity. Writing is an outlet for me and helps me find clarity. My other social media platforms just highlight the happy moments in my life, so for my blogs I like to keep it real and raw. I’m not perfect, and life isn’t always full of aesthetic pictures, smiles, and coffee.
When going through situations like this, I have found that it is best to try to stop planning so much and to simply let things happen as they should. Of course this is easier said than done, but it’s a good mindset to have. I am someone who is very ambitious and fast paced. When I set my mind on something I will do everything in my power to do it, and as quickly as possible. Nevertheless, a lot of times things don’t work out. Circumstances out of my control prevent me from achieving goals, which leads to frustration and disappointment.
So, I’m trying to take life one day at a time. And that isn’t all that matters, the fact that I am TRYING. TRYING to be more positive. TRYING to not give up. TRYING to not become overwhelmed by my failures and focusing more on my accomplishments. TRYING to let myself live, and not just survive.
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